Saint Peter’s Ceiling Fan

Saint Peter’s Ceiling Fan
Anonymous
Rewritten by Bevin
August 25, 2007


A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he noticed a wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are all those clocks for?

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has one. Each time you tell a lie, the hands on your clock move forward a notch.”

“Oh,” said the man, pointing at a clock frozen at 12:00, “whose clock is that?”

That’s George Washington’s. The hands on his clock have never moved. That means he was completely honest.”

“I see,” said the man. “And whose clock is that?”

St. Peter replied, “That’s George W. Bush’s.”

“Why does his clock read 11:59:59? Surely he isn’t more honest than George Washington?

St. Peter explained, “You misunderstand. He’s told so many lies during his presidency that one more lie and the clock will have come full circle.”

“Where’s Chen Shui-Bian’s clock?” asked the man

And St. Peter replied, “A-Bian’s clock is in my office. I’m using it as a ceiling fan!”


“Son of Taiwan” by Chen Shui-bian, chronic and habitual liar

This joke has been making the rounds on Taiwan. It true that anybodies’ name can be plugged into the joke. However people will only laugh if that person is known to be a liar.


Caption: Just so you know, the official language of Heaven is Aramaic.

What? Not “Taiwanese?”

Better warn the Presbyterian Church in Taiwan.

The Presbyterian Church in Taiwan is almost a caricature of the hypocritical colonialist missionary depicted in literature and film.

It has been meddling in China’s domestic politics for nearly a century, driving a wedge between the Chinese mainland and Taiwan by instilling hatred for mainland Chinese in the hearts and minds of the Chinese people on Taiwan.

In their fanatical quest to divide China, ministers of the Presbyterian Church in Taiwan have even advocated violating the Ninth Commandment, which states: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”

I wrote about this in Taiwan’s Stolen Election, Part III

The Ninth Commandment, according to the Presbyterian Church in Taiwan

During his 2004 re-election campaign, Chen Shui-bian ordered Chen Yu-hao, former chairman of the Tuntex Group and a fugitive exiled to the US, placed on Taiwan’s “Ten Most Wanted” list. Chen Shui-bian was desperate to cast himself as a squeaky clean political reformer at Chen Yu-hao’s expense.

A furious Chen Yu-hao responded by appearing on television and revealing the ugly truth. Chen Shui-bian had eagerly pocketed a fortune in political contributions from Chen Yu-hao over the past decade.

When Chen Shui-bian tried to deny the charges, Chen Yu-hao revealed that ROC legislator Shen Fu-hsiung, a DPP “elder” with a reputation for honesty within DPP circles was an eyewitness who saw Chen Yu-hao hand First Lady Wu Shu-chen a bag full of cash.

Considering Shen was also Chen Shui-bian’s campaign manager, Chen Yu-hao’s revelation put Shen in a somewhat awkward position. Rather than lie, Shen went into hiding for the following week.

What happened next was like a scene out of a black comedy by Stanley Kubrick.

A delegation of ministers from the Presbyterian Church in Taiwan, a long time abettor of Taiwan independence, paid an emergency visit to Shen. What textual truth did these supposedly devout Christians share with him? They solemnly assured Shen that it was not a sin to lie as long as it was in a good cause. In other words, “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor, unless of course it advances Taiwan independence.”

Are you getting a sense of the moral character of the people involved in the Taiwan independence movement?

聖彼得的風扇
由匿名
2007.08.25

某人死後來到天國,在天國門口遇到了聖彼得,同時看見聖彼得後面的一大片牆上掛滿了時鐘。

他問道:那些時鐘是作什麼用的?

聖彼得回道:那些都是記錄扯謊的鐘,每個人一生都跟隨著一個扯謊的鐘,他每扯一次謊時鐘的指針就動一小格

「喔!」這人回應,並指著一個仍停留在十二點的鐘問:「那個鐘是誰的呢?」

「那是喬治·華盛頓的,它的指針從未動過,這表示一生都沒扯過謊,是個很坦誠的人」

「我明白了」此人說道「那個鐘又是誰的呢?」

聖彼得回道:「那是喬治布希的」

為什麼鐘指到11點59分,難道喬治·華盛頓誠實?」

聖彼得又回答:「錯了!這表示他在總統任內謊言不斷,再加上一次就可以回到12點了」

「那陳水扁的鐘在哪裡呢?」這人問道

聖彼得回應道:「阿扁的鐘在我辦公室,我把它裝在天花板上當風扇用了!」